Why We Want Apologies From People Who Hurt Us
A sincere apology is more than words. It represents mutual understanding. When this happens, it feels like a breath of fresh air: nothing lingering, no strings attached, just clarity and resolution.
Finding Closure Without an Apology
Closure without an apology is something I’ve struggled with. For me, it came nearly eight years later, after having my oldest daughter. At the time of the hurt, I felt wronged and believed everyone involved deserved punishment. But raising my daughter—and later her siblings—shifted my perspective.
I saw how happy they were simply to be with me. They wanted to grow up, to be happy, to live normal lives, and experience family bonding and adventures. That realization taught me that my energy was better spent on their joy than on my anger.
Through internal healing, I worked through much of my abusive past. I learned not to lash out at my kids, but to focus on their happiness and love. Now, they are creating new storylines for themselves, growing up as healthy, resilient children.
Recognition vs. Avoiding Accountability
Not all apologies are equal. When someone avoids accountability, they push blame onto the person who deserves the apology or misinterpret the purpose of apologizing. It becomes a performance of pride rather than an act of humility.
A genuine apology, by contrast, comes from a sacred place. The apologizer acknowledges their wrongdoing, validates the other person’s emotions, and commits to making things right. This requires humility—not to embarrass themselves, but to accept responsibility and hold themselves accountable moving forward. A true apology is not a messy argument; it is a chance to implement forgiveness.
Repair After Hurt or Betrayal
My understanding of repair has changed over time. I’ve learned that not everyone will recognize your worth. Some may need time. Others may never see it. The task, then, is to focus on what is humane and just without overstepping boundaries.
Sometimes apologies are necessary, but often a person’s actions and willingness to change are more than enough. We cannot win every battle, but the small wins matter. They count toward personal development and character repair, reminding us that healing is not about perfection but about progress.
Author’s Note
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